Charlie B

Captain's Blog, Stardate 3007.11.21.

We made first contact today with the Peanutsians. This is an alien race that we have heard rumors about for generations and today we made first contact while surveying the planet Schulz.

It began when I led a landing party to the surface of Schulz. Accompanying me were Mr. Spark, Mr. McBoozer, and Dr. McQuack. Oh, and a couple of guys in red shirts. One of them died when the other one accidentally shot the other with his quaser. Then he shot himself. I have got to remember not to take the red shirts to the surface. They always die.

Anyway, after that unfortunate occurrence, we encountered our first Peanutsian. He was about three feet tall, with a huge, bald head, and arms that could not even reach over his head. He introduced himself as Charlie B. He asked if we had seen a little red haired girl go by.

The next Peanutsian was actually a Peanutsian pet, a dog-like creature that walked upright on two legs. It had a big nose and wore a collar. It was very athletic, in fact during the short time we were on the surface, it managed to play baseball, hockey, tennis and golf. It spun its ears and flew through the air like a helicopter. It made demands of Charlie B for food and instantly got it, yet it managed to make a complete turkey dinner all on its own. It was quite a remarkable creature.

We met other Peanutsians. One that would not let go of a security blanket, another that bossed everyone around, another that played incredible music on what looked like a child's piano, and yet another that was followed constantly by a cloud of dust.

One other observation I made: although Charlie B appeared to be the leader, nobody listened to a word he said.

Captain Jake Brooks of the Starship Pilgrim, signing off.

The Naked Times

Captain's Blog, Stardate 3007.11.18.

Well, the Pilgrim just experienced one of the most unusual and terrifying times during our time exploring the galaxy. We apparently picked up a virus while visiting the planet Psi 3000. The virus caused the crew to act drunk, slowly causing our inhibitions to erode. Eventually, common sense left us completely.

Mr. Spark lost all control of his emotions, even going so far as to perform stand up comedy over the ship's public address system. Mr. McBoozer, our chief engineer, tried to make love to the engines. I can't describe the mess it made. Dr. McQuack began to lose her inhibitions as she became fixated on Spark's ears. She wanted to perform surgery on them.

Our Oriental helmsman, Mr. Sumee, began fencing. Yes, he actually put up a white picket fence around the entire bridge. Lt. Uhorror, our communications officer, began singing Christmas carols over the ship's public address system. This got Spark upset, so he put her in a strangle hold.

I am embarrassed to say I started chasing every skirt on the ship. Finally, I realized that I always do that and that the virus was not affecting me. I had some sort of natural immunity. Once I discovered that, I used my incredible intellect to create an antidote to save the crew. Of course, I cornered Uhorror in the broom closet first, but that's a story for another day.

Captain Jake Brooks, signing off.