Eight Months Lost

Captain's blog, stardate 3007.10.26.

One minute we are taking a close-up look at the rings of Uranus, then the next thing we know, we are sucked into a black hole and spit out on the other side of the galaxy. And to top it all off, it is eight months after we left, even though it seems like two minutes ago.

According to Mr. Spark, it is going to take us 34.128673 and a half years to return to Earth. I, of course, asked him if he could be any more specific than that, and he began to recalculate his figures. Bulcans, huh? Not much in the humor department.

I will see if my chief engineer, Mr. McBoozer, has any suggestions, as soon as he is conscious.

Being the first humans on the other side of the galaxy, we have already discovered three new planets. Since we are the first to spy them, we get the luxury of naming them. The first planet was loud and tended to dominate the other three planets, so we named it Hillary. The second planet was just a little thing, which we named Rolloff. The last was a gas giant, which we named Flatulencia.

We are taking stock of our supplies today, and tomorrow the senior staff meets to decide on a course of action. Right now, I need to pick up my dry cleaning. George always adds a little extra starch to my collars.